Officer Chatter

In honor of my nearly three week anniversary of starting my internship at USATODAY.com, I have decided to compile a list of Top 5 things all future office workers should know before their new wing tip shoes step in their cubicle. If you would like to add to this list feel free.

5.) Always look like you are doing something important. The key to an office job is to look like you are always working even if you are at ebaumsworld.com or flipping through day-time soap's on your cube T.V.. Always have a document open on your computer that you can go back to just in case your supervisor happens to walk by. And remember the key words... "Yeah this project is tough... it's taking me forever," or have a stupid question ready, "Should I decompress this file into a gif or jpg." This last question doesn't work for text documents, but if you use it anyway your boss will just look at you like your crazy and walk away.

4.) You get ahead –and live- by who you know not what you know. Talk to EVERYONE. And when I mean EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE, even if it is that co-worker who you know goes home at night and plays with his "figurines" while watching the History channels special on the AK-47 and wears his pants up to his belly button. Because as my good friend Dane Cook says, when this guy decides to go on a killing rampage at the office because everyone made fun of his toupee and lack of hygiene, he will remember you. And when he passes you by, you will thank your lucky stars you chatted with him.

3.) Watch out for the free food! Usually when people bring in baked goods from home there is a reason why their significant other or children didn't eat it. So, don't be the idiot who tries the cookies sitting out on the floor pantry because you might spend the next 24 hours being best friends with the porcelain god. Trust me; paying the 50 cents for a bag of Doritos is worth it if it's a matter of life and death.

2.) Dress Appropriately. This isn't college and a shirt that says, "Daddy's Little Girl" or "I Got Drunk on (insert frat or sorority her) Hayride 06'" isn't going to cut it. But remember, you don't have to wear a suit either. Unless of course you work at a company with three names in it (ex. Cohen, Cohen and Cohen). Also, be aware of the basics in fashion and wear the same colored belt as shoes and darker socks than your pants. Oh, and when you leave the bathroom make sure you don't have toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe. It's really embarrassing.

1.) Don't get caught blogging.